"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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