to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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