You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize