fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
