Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
