yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
