If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
