K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
even my farts smell like vagina
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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