I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
