I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
