roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
