youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
