the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
