She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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