Please, let me fuck your mom
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
