Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
