New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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