i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
