she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
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He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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