Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
one two three fourrrrnication!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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