We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
