I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
