Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
