my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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