It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
