im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
