i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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