i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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