see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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