if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize