Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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