So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
