Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
