I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
