found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
