If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
