Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
