I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
