I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she looked like the before picture.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
