I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
