would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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