she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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