Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
