be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
