The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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