So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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