My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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