Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
