To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
