Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
