pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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