I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
