So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
