You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
