Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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