Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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