lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
