More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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