that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
