Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
