Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
