he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I pour the whiskey from now on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
