Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
