Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
