a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
