We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
