Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
