Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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