it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
