im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Terrible idea I love it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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