it wasn't lemon gatorade
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
