I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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