you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
