My brain says no but my pants say off.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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