Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
